Topic

An Airing of Absurd Grievances

It used to be frustrating. Then sad. Now it's just plain funny. Every time Tiny Speck tries to marginalize the traditions and truths upon which our nation's greatness sits, like clockwork, its intimates defend that sort of spiteful behavior. First off, it has no record of accomplishment. I mean, think about it.

Although I appear to have gotten ahead of myself here, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. Need I say more? I don't think so, but this I will say: Tiny Speck demands that we make a choice. Either we let it outrage the very sensibilities of those who value freedom and fairness or it'll blame those who have no power to change the current direction of events. This "choice" exemplifies what is commonly known as a "false dichotomy" or "the fallacy of the excluded middle" because it denies other alternatives, such as that Tiny Speck just keeps on saying, "We don't give a [expletive deleted] about you. We just want to make our lives an endless treadmill of government interferences while providing few real benefits to our health and happiness." As a closing statement, let me emphasize that we have no choice but to burn away social illness, exploitation, and human suffering. The time to act is now.

Posted 6 years ago by Saucelah Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

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  • [This post has been deleted]
    Posted 6 years ago by Pavida Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Let's not be sauceist. We could be talking about chilli. 
    (In other news: I am laughing, and love all you preposterous people.)
    Posted 6 years ago by Maria Diatorre Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *Spies the rook...places the rook and her nest gently into the freshly-filled hullaballoon ark. Spies Rook in Cebarkul playing with his pickle....pops him into the ark too*
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Computer_2 always replaces itself with itself! Now this is something to piss about! (Don't look directly at the damn thing...it will read ur cards in the reflection of ur glasses)...
    Posted 6 years ago by bayBi Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I take umbrage with Ms. Beans, Obviously's assertion that ScarBear is anything but a productive member of a community she may be involved in. Perhaps her previous cogitation on this current subject were not readily apparent to you, but I, and doubtless countless others, have perceived the essence of Ms. Bearsdale's missive.

    I would ask that you look upon your own self, Beans, Obviously, before you eradicate yourself.

    Politely yours,
    Railroadbaron
    Posted 6 years ago by railroadbaron Subscriber! | Permalink
  • (what kind of spinach is this?:O really, i spent hours reading the first page, then went to a trance party and i imagined words being written with the beat! then i came back and thought i would understand if i imagined some characters from movies in different states of humor...
    what kind of english level do i need to understand this? maybe i should just pass more spinach... yeah! but lol! oh lolol!!)
    Posted 6 years ago by mira gaia maia Subscriber! | Permalink
  • First word of every paragraph on first page: Now we're getting somewhere!

    The one Tiny in Tiny, definitely only whereas in the Stoot Stoot's, *drowns in *letters. *Concussion *eats the *spits. I oh *pats, *offers, this most! It's I, Mr. Every *Floats, because *climbs, *bounces!!! What *brings Poppycock? *Frolics? Although it *conseals *brain, *protects. I'm wow...edited!

    *Eats here's. I *completely *would. *Waves. What I've can *feeds. Sorry I'm with sorry. I tl;dr. Kristen normally, heed. I'm *jaw. I to fret the Ms. *giggles *eats. Before, to I BeansI!!!!
    Posted 6 years ago by bayBi Subscriber! | Permalink
  • sauce. chili. beans. coffee. angel food cake. spinach. & popcorn. we need cheese! and onion rings! 
    Posted 6 years ago by coolbettycakes Subscriber! | Permalink
  • What
    Posted 6 years ago by FrogIris Subscriber! | Permalink
  • random kindness
    Posted 6 years ago by Andrasia Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Oh look, a rainbow unicorn!
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A rainicorn!  
    Posted 6 years ago by Saucelah Subscriber! | Permalink
  • <3 I LOVE that rainicorn!
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • In this letter, I'm not going to argue that thanks to a rainicorn, soulless political movements are experiencing a resurgence around the world. Nor am I going to argue that in this volatile political moment, we must cautiously guard against the dangers of rebarbative Dadaism. I'm not going to argue those factors because they're irrelevant. Instead, I will say only that he prefers to keep his resentful, covinous agenda hidden behind the cloak of solipsism. I urge you to read the text that follows carefully, keeping an open mind, from the beginning to the end, and without skipping around. I further recommend that you take breaks, as many of the facts presented will take time to digest. Call me old-fashioned, but he says that ebola, AIDS, mad-cow disease, and the hantavirus were intentionally bioengineered by mindless marauders for the purpose of population reduction. What he means by this, of course, is that he wants free reign to focus too much on one side of the equation and not enough on the broader perspective of things. 

    Finally, if this letter generates a response from someone of opposing viewpoints, I would hope that the author(s) concentrate on offering objections to my ideas while refraining from attacks on my person or my intelligence. I've gotten enough of that already from a rainicorn.
    Posted 6 years ago by Beans, Obviously Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You're going to be an interesting companion, Mr. Data. Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur, wholeheartedly! Computer, belay that order. Congratulations - you just destroyed the Enterprise. The game's not big enough unless it scares you a little. What? We're not at all alike! I suggest you drop it, Mr. Data. Now we know what they mean by 'advanced' tactical training. I recommend you don't fire until you're within 40,000 kilometers. The Federation's gone; the Borg is everywhere! But the probability of making a six is no greater than that of rolling a seven. Smooth as an android's bottom, eh, Data? Travel time to the nearest starbase? Is it my imagination, or have tempers become a little frayed on the ship lately? Mr. Crusher, ready a collision course with the Borg ship. When has justice ever been as simple as a rule book? I will obey your orders. I will serve this ship as First Officer. And in an attack against the Enterprise, I will die with this crew. But I will not break my oath of loyalty to Starfleet. Shields up! Rrrrred alert! Fate. It protects fools, little children, and ships named "Enterprise." Not if I weaken first. My oath is between Captain Kargan and myself. Your only concern is with how you obey my orders. Or do you prefer the rank of prisoner to that of lieutenant? That might've been one of the shortest assignments in the history of Starfleet. Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns. Maybe if we felt any human loss as keenly as we feel one of those close to us, human history would be far less bloody. What's a knock-out like you doing in a computer-generated gin joint like this? Flair is what marks the difference between artistry and mere competence. Did you come here for something in particular or just general Riker-bashing? This should be interesting. Fear is the true enemy, the only enemy. We have a saboteur aboard. Captain, why are we out here chasing comets? Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise. I'll alert the crew. The unexpected is our normal routine. They were just sucked into space. Well, that's certainly good to know. Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you. Earl Grey tea, watercress sandwiches... and Bularian canapés? Are you up for promotion? When has justice ever been as simple as a rule book? You did exactly what you had to do. You considered all your options, you tried every alternative and then you made the hard choice. Come on. Let's get out of here, Commander. You enjoyed that. Now, how the hell do we defeat an enemy that knows us better than we know ourselves?
    Posted 6 years ago by Dagny Taggart Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This whole thing has wormed itself into my brain. And, has anyone else noticed that Honey Boo Boo is mentioned at least once on every online chat room discussion and forum thread?

    Mr. Data is NOT to be trusted! Subtle nuisances of one's feelings are critical! A blink of an eye. A slight glance up or down, left or right. Left, a lie. Right, memory. Or, simply closing both eyes! Maybe, if I can't see them, they can't see me?! If you can't join 'em, bead 'em! Roll them into tiny little orbs! Pierce their center with the nearest pointy thing! String them onto memory wire, so they can't remember what started this revolution! Don't forget to use a double knot between each souvenir! A cool hippy curtain would be neat. Or, whatever.
    Posted 6 years ago by bayBi Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *Public Service Announcement*

    To all Glitchen concerned with conserving and preserving the standards of high forebearance and uptight rigidity in attitudes of cynicism and despair: Do not...repeat...DO NOT see the indie documentary innocuously titled "Craigslist Joe." 

    This film is nothing more than a cover for a sinister plot to infiltrate our finely-tuned armors with weapons so hidiously lethal, they can only go by the name of "warm fuzzies." This film has the power to reach all the way into our beloved stinking, rotted cores, illuminating and healing as it reaches, stripping away our callouses completely, and leaving us vulnerable to such atrocities as peace and goodwill towards our fellow humankind... *insert collective gasp here*

    If you wish to maintain your sense of indifference and cold-heartedness and "me-first" attitude that has been universally cherished for...well, at least 20 minutes or so...then by all means spare yourself from the pain of having your heart forcibly opened, and DO NOT SEE CRAIGSLIST JOE.

    This has been a public service announcement...thank you for your laxidaisical attention to this trivial matter.

    Question: Where oh where is stoot barfield, the king of absurdity himself? Shouldn't he be weighing in on this forum? The accusations against said stoot and staff of TS have been multitudinous and grievously weighty indeed...Where is Mr. Stoot to defend his melliflous plan, now blatantly out in the open, to bring Glitchy nekkidness and rainbow scattering to the plane of existence some call "real life"? I for one will not be swayed by this abbhorent form of brainwashing...must resist, must resist! Now if you'll excuse me...

    *takes off all her clothes and streaks through the woods, throwing handfuls of rainbows into the sky before diving chin-first into a snow-bank, causing the shy and modest doe to blush, and the proud and noble stag to raise a bemused eyebrow, and causing at least one annoying snow-mobiler to forget to watch where he's going and crash headlong into a tree, much to the relief and joy of every human and animal in the vicinity who is not currently on a snowmobile themselves. PS...the tree is ok*

    *PS continued...gooseflesh is NOT sexy...just ask the nekkid goose*

    *pops the rainicorn into her ark, along with the goose*

    *Invites the snocone vendor to join the menagerie on the ark, but the pious vendor refuses, stating she's brrrrrrrr-fectly content to remain where she is...one might say she's frozen to the spot*

    *ducks*
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • They were just sucked into space. Sure. You'd be surprised how far a hug goes with Geordi, or Worf. Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you. Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise. Earl Grey tea, watercress sandwiches... and Bularian canapés? 

    Are you up for promotion? The Federation's gone; the Borg is everywhere! I am your worst nightmare! Now, how the hell do we defeat an enemy that knows us better than we know ourselves? I can't. As much as I care about you, my first duty is to the ship. Did you come here for something in particular or just general Riker-bashing? Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur, wholeheartedly! 

    Maybe we better talk out here; the observation lounge has turned into a swamp. And blowing into maximum warp speed, you appeared for an instant to be in two places at once. In all trust, there is the possibility for betrayal. Captain, why are we out here chasing comets? Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns. What's a knock-out like you doing in a computer-generated gin joint like this? 

    Is it my imagination, or have tempers become a little frayed on the ship lately? Mr. Worf, you do remember how to fire phasers? Ensign Babyface! Travel time to the nearest starbase? I recommend you don't fire until you're within 40,000 kilometers. Your shields were failing, sir. Your head is not an artifact! Flair is what marks the difference between artistry and mere competence. Not if I weaken first. You're going to be an interesting companion, Mr. Data. I'll alert the crew. The game's not big enough unless it scares you a little. 

    When has justice ever been as simple as a rule book? You enjoyed that. The unexpected is our normal routine. Mr. Worf, you sound like a man who's asking his friend if he can start dating his sister. I suggest you drop it, Mr. Data. You did exactly what you had to do. You considered all your options, you tried every alternative and then you made the hard choice. Come on. Let's get out of here, Commander.
    Posted 6 years ago by Rev. Lightbringer Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Mmmmm...rhubarb pie, topped with whipped cream, with a dab of red sauce on the side. With your permission, Rev,   I think it's time for dessert. ;)
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • ...he's dead, Jim...(ooops, wrong generation...)
    Posted 6 years ago by Chazerei Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Oh wow, not my forte, but I think if you and the Rev meet, then folks, we have a winner!!! :D
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Oh my god you people are STILL HERE?? GO HOME YOU'RE ALL DRUNK
    Posted 6 years ago by Osiris ? Subscriber! | Permalink
  • To my darling Beans, Your Mother offers objections to you while refraining from attacks on your person or your intelligence.  HOWEVER, I do not, in light of your previous and entirely unprovoked and unsubstantiated and unneccessary and unenlightened and unbuttoned and unevolved and unsustainable and unpreposterous remarks vis a vis, one little ol' me, I offer only the following: YOUR FACE, OBVIOUSLY.
    Posted 6 years ago by Scarlett Bearsdale Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *peeks back into thread*

    *quietly removes all of the letter Js for hoarding purposes*
    Posted 6 years ago by Kristen Marie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hooosh drunk, OX? Ahm nah drunk, ahm jess a lil tipsy...ish all Blue Moon's fault. (Thassa beer, folks, naht a playuh). 
    *steals one of KM's J's and turns it upside-down to use as an umbrella in case it rains*

    ETA: Ooooh elusive hyphen...gotcha!
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *eats last of her 200th thing of popcorn* *sees theres  no more gets ice cream and starts Crying because i think popcorn is breaking up with me 
    Posted 6 years ago by cheese danish king Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Ahem...just checking. It's been 2 days...anyone alive out there? Sheesh...making me post AGAIN. :P
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Scar Bear, I'm sorry it had to come to this...

    But I won't sugarcoat this letter. This is a very bitter letter. Small children and the faint of heart should stop reading and leave the room. To plunge right into it, Your Mom tries to make us think the way she wants us to think, not by showing us evidence and reasoning with us but by understanding how to push our emotional buttons. Already, some drossy schnooks have begun to coordinate a revolution, and with terrifying and tragic results. What prevarications will follow from their camp is anyone's guess.

    Your Mom has been besmirching the memory of some genuine historic figures. We need to have long memories and no forgiveness of that sort of behavior. Instead, we must guide the world into an age of peace, justice, and solidarity. She had promised us liberty, equality, and fraternity. Instead, Your Mom gave us insurrectionism, caciquism, and hooliganism. I suppose we should have seen that coming, especially since we and Your Mom doubtlessly need to call a truce on our arguments over nosism. Unfortunately, Your Mom will refuse to accept any such truce, as her whole raison d'être is to promote nosism in all its stuck-up forms.

    Your Mom's cringers undeniably don't want us to bear the flambeau of freedom. That'd be too much of a threat to vandalism, rowdyism, and all of the other lubricious things they worship. Clearly, they prefer advocating Your Mom's philosophies amid a hue and cry as shabby as it is daffy. Let us now present another paradigm in opposition to Your Mom's dimwitted platitudes because in that is our only hope for the future.

    Also, Your Mom's Face.
    Posted 6 years ago by Beans, Obviously Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Ahem...I say again unto you, Kings and Queens of Absurdity...are you going to let this thread just DIE? Or are you going to come forth, en masse, and rightfully claim your thrones? (No allusions to Oz or Narnia here, I swear, except...well, here I am in this darn Hullaballoon, courtesy of Kristen Marie, no resemblance to the hot air balloon Oz flew in, I swear, and no resemblance AT ALL to Noah's Ark...pinky swear!) *secretly stashing all the cool critters from Glitch* And...Oh nevermind, you all aren't paying attention anyways.....thhhhbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt.
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • ...see what I did there? that's the sound of a raz, but also the sound of a hot air hullaballoon deflating....sigh. Pay attention! :P
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Don't make me splank you, and by gods, don't make me QUADRUPLE post!
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I'm gonna...I'm gonna...I did, I DID! I quadruple posted! Whooo....a record! Beat that, you arrogant sums oh beaches. :D Beat THAT! *does the funky monkey dance...you guessed it...it's Gangnam style" Oh yeah, oh yeah!!!!
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Now, Kitch, get a grip! :) We're still here.
    Posted 6 years ago by Mollie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *floats in* Oh, you all are still here? *steals exclamation points*
    Posted 6 years ago by Kristen Marie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I was going to reply...but without J's or exclamation points it would be impossible...so I gave up...
    Posted 6 years ago by Chazerei Subscriber! | Permalink
  • To whoever's fault it is that Glitch had to close:
    In Russia, Glitch ends YOU
    Posted 6 years ago by Akane Tuna Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am writing this letter to persuade you that there is not much demand for independent thinkers in Ms. Kristen Marie's retinue. I will persuade you of this by providing a few examples and illustrations of the way in which Kristen seeks to extend her fifteen minutes of fame to fifteen months. If you disagree with my claim that I would be honored to have her oppose anything I supported, then read no further. Kristen's indifference only adds to the problem. She will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact because if she didn't, you might come to realize that her ballyhoos are antinomianism redux. That said, let me continue. As stated earlier, if Kristen had done her homework, she'd know that she has—not once, but several times—been able to waste our time and money without anyone stopping her. How long can that go on? As long as her malignant, obstinate conceits are kept on life support. That's why we have to pull the plug on them and expose every slaphappy practice of every slaphappy casuist. To state it in a more sophisticated manner, we must establish a "truth commission" whose charter is to investigate some of Kristen's more brutal bromides. If we do, then perhaps a brighter day will dawn on planet Earth. Perhaps people will open their eyes and see that there is no place in this country where we are safe from Kristen's compeers, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack. It's astonishing that Kristen has been able for so long to get away with covering up her criminal ineptitude. I can't think of anything that better illustrates the failure of our justice system to deal with such beer-guzzling bureaucrats. She has been trying to convince us that the world is crying out to labor beneath her firm but benevolent heel. This pathetic attempt to provide vindictive fribbles with an irresistible temptation to cause riots in the streets deserves no comment other than to say that every time Kristen tells her sympathizers that she has the trappings of deity, their eyes roll into the backs of their heads as they become mindless receptacles of unsubstantiated information, which they accept without question. Virtue is persecuted more by the wicked than it is loved by the good. Period, finis, and Q.E.D.
    Posted 6 years ago by Zog Subscriber! | Permalink
  • wha????
    Posted 6 years ago by Sir Rachel Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *steals italics*
    Posted 6 years ago by Kristen Marie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Holy Tii-ttys ppl did you major in double speak beurocratic lizard style?!
    Posted 6 years ago by Lyrical DejaVu Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *steals this entire thread to save for posterity, or at least for a good chuckle*
    Posted 6 years ago by KitchWitch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Ha!.. I too have stolen this insane, inane, incredible dialogue so that I may laugh and cry and laugh again, ad infinitum, whenever I need to remember how wonderful it all was. Thank you, thanq, thanque all.
    Posted 6 years ago by Princess Fi Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This just about sums up Glitch in one thread. <3
    Posted 6 years ago by Eye Wonder Subscriber! | Permalink
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