Topic
the beloved thread to distract all attention from a formerly very busy thread in this forum
Hi this thread is a wonderful thing, call it a community accomplishment, all with YOUR help! I heard a bad joke today that there was an absolutely weird forum thread once, that was very long ago, and though people hated it, in their wish to express their dislike and make fun of it, they just bumped it up on top of all other useful and great to read threadsagain and again. But i don´t really remember how it continued,...
I didnt say i was good at joketelling ...
Well it doesnt matter, lets forget about that, so just tell me some of your coolest glitchy ideas you had so far, or pretty much tell us anything that is cool in a way. And tell your mom to post here too....
Replies
- I like turtles?
- I like a good joke but am terrible telling them, you have any?
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no, this thread is totally multi-interest and multi-discipline
anything goes as long as it feels glitch ;)
@ marcm: thats really great to know, cause turtles bear an unprecedented potential for real good discussions, the ones i really dig -
how bout this one:
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“ - anyone dig that one? ;)
- Did you hear the one about the agnostic dyslexic? He lies in bed at night wondering if there's really a dog up there.
- LOL @ Ananda. Funny!
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@Ananda
Can't be as bad as the Devil worshiping dyslexics. They keep praying for Santa to destroy the world. - hahaha, now you come up with the good ones, keep em rollin ...
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Rofl @Stevensoul.
And.. Giant Bless this thread!
Let's see. I tried to encourage Tregloos in Glitch with no success. I also want hair ribbons with skulls in them. What's everyone else up to? - I've been taste-testing caramels that I made the other day. All day. Every few minutes, still trying to decide if I did a good job or not. Maybe another five will help me decide...And I've been avoiding topics about subscriptions, because they are such TEASES!
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Loved the hunter joke. I also love the spontaneous creative collaboration I keep seeing in the Glitchen. Also cool: the game opens tomorrow. I'm glad I have this ray of sunshine thread to burn away the icky forum juju of the thread that must not be named.
We have too many important things to do, like piggying up our houses, finding new trading partners, and preparing our Zilloween costumes & treats. I didn't even know we could make hay bales. -
@StevenSoul -- oooh, I saw that coming! But I also think I've heard a similar joke from my hubby.
Okay, my joke-telling timing is usually awful, but here goes:
There was a brunette working out at the gym every day. And there was a blonde who would come in with headphones on and never talk to anybody. The blonde was always concentrating on whatever she was listening to. Whenever anyone tried to talk to her, she'd just press the earphones deeper into her ears and shake her head.
One day the brunette couldn't take it any longer, so she got on the stair-stepper closest to the door the blonde would come in. When the blonde walked by, she snatched the headphones off her. The blonde collapsed on the floor.
After the staff tried CPR, called the ambulance, and everything calmed down, the brunette realized she was still holding the headphones, so she held them up to her ear. And all it was saying was "breathe in ... breathe out ... breathe in ... breathe out ..."
(Okay, I really CAN'T tell a good joke. I had to have hubby retell this one so I could get it right -- *sigh*.) -
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
* Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
* Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
* Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
* Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
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* Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!” -
Ooh...I haven't decided on Zilloween yet....Must decide on a costume! Any suggestions?
and LMAO the last joke! I love that one! - Oh I love the Sherlock Holmes joke StevenSoul. Thanks for posting!
- oh how i love literally and figuratively uplifting posts as yours, thanks for the other joke, too, kastlin, dont be shy in THIS thread ;)
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.” -
A few years ago my dad went into the kitchen and realised that the putty around the door ( the door seal) was gone. Worried that someone might try and break in he re-puttied it.
Next morning he woke up and went down to the kitchen and realised the same had happened again. He was like "why would anyone want to steal putty"
That night he decided to stay downstairs to catch the theif. As he was falling asleep he saw something out of his eye. It was a-
PUTTY CAT -
against my expectation at least, marc de triomphe ! ;)
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil. - oh my giant, i just had a terrible nightmare, it was just as if a dark beast of ancient long forgotten times had reappeared, but then, it was just a nightmare, its disappears as i write these lines, .... and i can feel safe again, but glad if you tell me about your feelings ...
- I made a song. It's 48 seconds' worth of distraction.
- ohh great, jasbo thanks really, great job
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There´s this woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....” -
well, i am almost coming with a new idea ...
... yeah, zebras, i looove zebras ...
you? -
Ooooh. I've got a joke for you:
What's brown and sticky?
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A stick.
*rimshot* - baaaang, that hit me
- I made food. Help yourself. Gud Fud
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” - wow thanks g33kgurrl that tastes awefully good
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Guinness Book Of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from Public Libraries.
And I've decided to spend a day replying to people using sentences out of Finnegan's Wake. - good to know, Zeezee, thanks for sharing ;)
- Hmmm, can GOD create thread which is so long that He cant read it anymore? (Given that He´s not busy with server shutdowns)
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Oh, the paradox.
This thread is clearly off topic. But if it goes to the off-topic forum it won't be useful anymore, it won't be able to fulfill its mission. So it has to stay in General. But...
What would a (hypothetical) mod do with it? - I am a banana.
- This is the best thread ever created.
- ok lemme bring it back ontopic: this thread is a reverence to the great forum here and the even greater glitch community showing that we´re a strong, glitchfully awesome society that stands together! Let the Giants watch over us ;)!
- thanks SirPoox, your uplifting words are deeply appreciated
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"glitchfully awesome society"
Well done, Steven! :) - thx, Ximenez :)
- I'm going to make this my first ever Glitch forum "BUMP".
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Well, theres also this one:
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.” - A man driving through an intersection saw the traffic camera flash, thinking, he realized he wasn't speeding and so went around the block and through the same intersection driving much slower and again the traffic camera flashed. Laughing out loud he drove through the intersection 5 times, the last time slower than a snail. Two weeks later he gets 5 citations in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
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hahaha, cool thanks for your participation here, xoxJulie. seriously theres worse threads to write in ..
i mean ... just a weird idea .. of course theres none ;) -
I am so loving this thread. So, I'm horrible with jokes but you guys can laugh at me =)
Someone mentioned playing oblivion yesterday and a song started playing in the back of my mind. Anyone ever do that? Hear a word and get a song? Well it took a couple of hours before I realized what I was humming and why. I know, I know you're all on the edge of your seats wanting to know the song. I'll think about posting the youtube link. ;) - @Kastin, that joke about the blonde and brunette was very funny. i also like the sherlock holmes@steven. hehe. got a great laugh off those.
- i vote for stevensoul for cheerleader! he's doing a darn good job and not even getting paid for it. (are you?)
- ahhhhhhhhh...social worker........good job!
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well yes i am getting paid, tiny speckk dev gave me a 12 sided dice last day before closing, i really have to admit now ;)
and i am a social worker yes, and glitch needs that sometimes too ;) -
Uh oh, I see it's time for a musical link.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6b...