Topic

A little humor.

Anyone know a good joke? Post it here! I'll start:

Chuck Norris once arm wrestled Superman. Whoever lost had to wear their underwear outside thier pants.

Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

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  • Nothing?
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • haha!
    Posted 12 years ago by Pola Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

    He stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
    Posted 12 years ago by Ryft Subscriber! | Permalink
  • good one
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
    Posted 12 years ago by Cupcake Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Jodeik, I thought you were asking for -good- jokes!
    Posted 12 years ago by RobMagus Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "We don’t allow faster than light neutrinos in here", said the bartender.

    A neutrino walks into a bar....
    Posted 12 years ago by Boe Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A Christian, A Muslim,  and a Jew walked into a bar. The bartender said, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
    Posted 12 years ago by zZzZzZzZ Subscriber! | Permalink
  • a man walks into a bar. He says "Ow."
    Posted 12 years ago by Djoe6897 Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Where do Kings keep their armies?

    In their sleevies.

    (credit: Snood computer game)
    Posted 12 years ago by Chetmo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Why can I always trust my friend, the baking rasta bird?
    Cos' he's me breadwren :P
    (wrote it myself ^^)
    Posted 12 years ago by xLIFEx Subscriber! | Permalink
  • two above is a cleaned-up version of:

    Where do the Germans keep their armies?
    In their sleevesies.

    How do they tie their shoesies?
    In little knotsies.
    Posted 12 years ago by Fnibbit Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Why do they call helium, curium, and barium the three medical elements?
    Because if you can't heal 'em or cure 'em, you bury 'em!
    Posted 12 years ago by Cirnots Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Another Chucck Norris one.

    Chuck Norris once arm wrestled the hulk. whoever lost had to paint himself green and wear purple shorts.

    BTW i dont want people to have to say "Hey thats from _____" So please say if you got your jokes from somewhwere else. Mine were both from a chuck norris site.
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • another one from the site

    Chuck Norris once arm wrestled Justin Bieber. whoever lost wasnt allowed to hit puberty.
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "One day i was walking through a park. I saw a frisbee growing in size quickly. I wondered, Why? Then it hit me."

    Ive seen this one in a couple of places.
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hey why was this moved to off topic? I understand but now no one will see it.
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Because it was off-topic, I'm assuming :P

    edit: seriously though, people do come here.
    Posted 12 years ago by Lara Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I know but now not as many people will see it.
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I only know and enjoy telling thoroughly cheesy jokes.

    What do you call a guy walking through long grass?

    Russell. 

    *ba dum tsssh*

    What do you call a lady tied to the front of a ship?

    Maud.
    Posted 12 years ago by Jeff Buckley Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A particle physics joke!

    A Higgs Boson particle walks into a Church. 

    The Priest says: "You can't come in here, you call yourself the God particle, it's sacrilegious!"
    And the Higgs Boson particle replies: "But if you don't allow Higgs Boson particles, how can you have Mass?"

    .....I only do nerd humour. :P
    Posted 12 years ago by Rory Pond Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I'm a big fan of puns and theatre, so I'm going to produce my own show. It's a play on words.

    I was trying to remember how to throw a boomerang.... then it came back to me.

    A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything."

    A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks" says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."

    I got online to play internet chess, but found myself just watching pawn.

    Fishermen live off their net income.

    Show me where Stalin's buried and I'll show you a Communist plot.

    When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

    A guy walks into the psychiatrists office wearing only plastic wrap. The Shrink says, "Well I can clearly see your nuts."

    Police station toilets stolen. Investigators have nothing to go on.

    Ok, now I will stop. My friend went on a pun rampage last night on facebook, haha.
    Posted 12 years ago by Jeff Buckley Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Chuck Norris once arm wrestled Superman. Whoever lost had to wear their underwear outside thier pants.

    ^ Chuck vs Superman....Chuck wins. :O
    Posted 12 years ago by TacosBeFriends Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Like this thread? Then you might want to try the WisecrackUr's Group!
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • bump
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A room temperature superconductor goes into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve superconductors here" so the room temperature superconductor leaves without resistance

    what do you call 1000 pair of wet socks? 1 lederhosen

    A wife and husband are having dinner the husband asks his wife "How many men have you slept with dear?" she smiles and replies kindly "Only with you dear, with the rest I was wide awake"

    what has 8 teeth and 152 legs? The front row of a Garth Brooks concert

    George meets up with a friend on the street, and the friend can tell George is really pissed. He asks him what the matter is. George replies, “The people at Victoria’s Secret are SO rude. There I am in their store and I’m trying to buy some panties for my lady, and I’m picking some out… and the manager asks me to leave!! All I was trying to do was decide which ones I liked. So – I took the panties out of my mouth and took my business elsewhere.”
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • aaaaaaahahahahaha, Crispa you are great
    Posted 12 years ago by Jeff Buckley Subscriber! | Permalink
  • these are some good jokes im glad i started this forum
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • for sure
    Posted 12 years ago by Jeff Buckley Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Schrödinger's cat goes into a bar...and doesn't.
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  •  The following  theorem can now be supported using some basic physics and two well known propositions, namely :

                                                                      Knowledge is Power. 
                                                                         Time is Money. 

                                                     As every physicist knows, Power = Work/Time. 
                                   Therefore,  Knowledge = Power = Work / Time = Work / Money, or 
                                                                Money = Work / Knowledge 

         Thus for any given amount of work, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money goes to infinity (the executives).
             And conversely, as Knowledge gets larger, Money gets smaller (scientists and academics). QED
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A farmer is having problems with his chickens. They are all suddenly getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. The biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries.  He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. All of the sudden, he starts scribbling away in a notebook. After several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, "I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum." 
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A virus walks into the bar, the bartender says "We don't serve virus's here" The virus replaces the bartender and says "now we do"
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Two bacteria walk into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve bacteria here" and the virus's say "But we work here, we're staph"
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • An infrared photon walks into a bar and says "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "I hate you guys" and pours two beers.      
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A photon checks into a hotel. The bell hop asks him " Can I help you with your luggage?" To which the photon replies, "I don't have any. I'm traveling light."      
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This glitch goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender nods and starts going thru the motions of drafting a beer, though he doesn't use a mug or the tap. He walks over to the glitch and says "That will be $30." The glitch blinks and says "But you didn't give me a beer." to which the bartender reply's "You're a glitch, right? So, just imagine it"
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    A: A glitch was trying to squeeze it's charmin
    Posted 12 years ago by Crispa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Why'd the plane crash?
    'Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Crispa gets MVP award
    Posted 12 years ago by Justinia Subscriber! | Permalink
  • That joke about the infinite mathematicians needs some sort of award.
    Posted 12 years ago by Reihox Subscriber! | Permalink
  • agreed
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "Chuck Norris doesn't read your mind, he watches the movie."
    Made that one up myself but if someones seen it else where tell me.
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • What did the bartender say when Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorous walked into his bar?

    OH SNaP!
    Posted 12 years ago by Fairystinky Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Theres a lot of science jokes arent there?
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • haha nice one Fairystinky
    Posted 12 years ago by Jeff Buckley Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Whats green and has 3 wheels?

    Grass, I lied about the wheels.

    bu dm crash
    Posted 12 years ago by cyprian Subscriber! | Permalink
  • ...
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
  • __....__
    |_|__|_|
    __|...|__
    |__---__|
    Minecraft Creeper face (pretty bad, i know.)
    Posted 12 years ago by Jodeik Subscriber! | Permalink
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