Beryl Rock

The Zillots, may they rest, believed that Beryl was the first rock.

Wow.

Yes, I am special. They believed we were the dried tears of their giant, who wept so hard when she heard the story of Petronella and Patufet that the mountains became an avalanche of rolling green tears, tumbling over each other, and forming great holes and caverns in the ground below.

What happened to Petronella and Patufet?

A terrible thing. Something to do with trolls. Or gas. Or dragons. Can’t remember. Doesn't matter. Point is, this glorious green facade you clack away at with that pointypointy stick of yours? Tears of the giant, my impermanent one. Tears of the giant.

Wow.

Beryl Rock

Did I hear right? I heard that one of those Sparklers told you that they were First Rock. Is that right?

It’s not wrong. Some Dullite may have mentioned something like that, as well.

Shocking. Here am I, tears of a giant made permanent, and this is how they honour me. Well I’ll tell you one thing for nothing…

And what would that be?

Grilled batterfly tastes like rubber tyres soaked in pickled whortleberry juice.

I was not expecting that.

Not my problem. I’m the oldest and most venerable rock, and I do as I please. Take THAT, lesser rocks.

Can I go now?

Trust me, in the timescale I work on, you haven’t even arrived yet.

That’s me told.

Beryl Rock

Everything was better then.

When?

In the beginning. When the one true giant mind-carved the world out of nothing.

And that was…

Zille! What are you, some kind of idiot?

Bit harsh. I just heard it was Pot.

POT? POT?!? Mighty Zille could sneeze out gravel more powerful than the very idea of Pot, if so she chose.

So… none of the other giants exist?

Maybe they do. But only when Zille imagines they do.

I see.

Beryl Rock

Spriggan thought it was funny, you know.

What?

To get back at almighty Zille, creator of all, Spriggan offered to help out tending the rocks one day. You know, to get on her good side.

Whose?

ZILLE, may she look kindly upon my greenly obedience. Zille? The one true giant? Giant before all giants, sculptor of creation, she who cannot be shaken? Zille, all obsequious obeisance to her name. Anyway, to make a long story short…

Too late.

…Spriggan, so proud of the way his piffling tree things worked, decided everything, everything should have roots. And PING! Everyone gets roots. And suddenly PAF. Beryl gets to grow back.

Rocks have roots?

I know. Ridiculous. That Spriggan. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but – *shhhh* – he’s not as funny as he thinks he is. And what is more…

There’s more?

Regeneration is a right pain in the elements.

Poor Beryl.

You mocking me, Glitch?

Noooooo.

Beryl Rock

If you think this is bad, you should have seen the place when Zille first invented chickens.

What was bad? What? Wait, Zille invented Chickens?!?

Zille invented EVERYTHING, may her almighty Zilleness show mercy to my very muttering of her name. She had a mind to create something, she said, more huggable than a rock, so she created these little beaked terrors. Bane of our lives, they were.

Don’t like chickens?

Didn’t like the fact that Zille couldn’t see the point in wings. Or legs.

Hm…

So they just sat there, squawking and complaining, and pecking at the heels of anyone who was unfortunate enough to pass close by.

But they HAVE wings. And legs.

Only because Zille, may she smile kindly upon her gravel-brained servant, invented Humbaba and Cosma to do her bidding and get the little blighters moving.

That’s…

Amazing, yes, all praise to her omnipotent and glorious Zilleness.

… I was going to say odd. But ok.