The Zeppo

by R.L. Stine. Chapter 1. Josh and I hated our new house. Sure, it was big. It looked like a mansion compared to our old house. It was a tall redbrick house with a sloping black roof and rows of windows framed by black shutters. It's so dark, I thought, studying it from the street. The whole house was was covered in darkness, as if it were hiding in the shadows of the gnarled, old trees that bent over it. It was the middle of July, but dead brown leaves blanketed the front yard. Our sneakers crunched over them as we trudged up the gravel driveway. Tall weeds poked up everywhere through the dead leaves. Thick clumps of weeds had completely overgrown an old flower bed beside the front porch. This house is creepy, I thought unhappily. Josh must have been thinking the same thing. Looking up at the house, we both groaned loudly. Mr. Dawes, a friendly young man from the local real estate office, stopped near the front walk and turned around. "Everything ok?" he asked, staring first at Josh,

Xander/Oz, R. Oz tapped on the basement door, softly at first, but as the minutes passed with no answer, he knocked louder. Finally, he called out: "Xander?" Within seconds, a panicked-looking shirtless Alexander Harris appeared before him. "Uh, hey dude," Oz said, trying not to stare at his friend's suprisingly trim figure. Oz had always thought that Xander would be soft and squishy under all those bad shirts. Huggable. Comfy. Xander regarded his own state of undress and let out a nervous chuckle. "Sorry, it's uh, laundry day," he said, stepping aside to let Oz descend the stairs. "Is that why you couldn't hear me knocking? The washing machine?" "Oh, no, I heard you. I just... thought it was my dad," Xander sat down on the bed while Oz took the armchair. "So what's up? Monsters to battle?" Oz had spaced out, sniffing the air. "Hello? Earth to Ozman." "Sorry," Oz said, demuring. "Your room smells really good." "Oh," Xander said, blushing, "Must be the detergent." Oz said "Let us bone."

Please don't take her; just appreciate that she is balancing on an egg

you took my pig and now the world is ending