Piggy

Or nineteeth. Whatever. Whichever of those was the totally righteous one. In the dying days of THAT era, I heard the most dedicated of the Potians wiped out the entire world stock of hooch before the party was halfway done.

What happened?

Lemons? And Pot? Dude, don't talk to me about Pot and lemons.

I'm not sure I did.

You should.

Then I am.

There was just this time, right? It was the feast of Pot. Everyone was totally … how old are you? Well, whatever, everyone was having a Very Good Time, you get me?

I'm afraid I might.

And this High Potian Priest dude climbed on a table, and started waxing about how he’d got this message, right? About how the thing that would please Pot the most was this dessert he loved as a kid. And he was like: the only thing for it was to gather ALL the lemons in the multiverse and smoosh them all up, and then top them with CLOUDS mixed with HONEY. And, like, if they could only do that, Pot would grant them all this thing, yeah?

Thing? What thing?

Well that’s the problem. No one at that party remembered. Damn, dude: that was one hell of a party.

Woah.

I know, right? Anyway, it led to the Great Lemon Shortage and the consequential Four-Hundred-Year Angry Citratic War.

Wait, what?

I know, bummer, right? Yeah, it was a bummer. Catch ya later. Gots turf to snuffle.

Laters, Pig.

Piggy

Never mind. It’s a joke that Grendalinians loved. Aw, but seriously: The Feasts. Man. The high point of the evening would be – apart from the free-flowing open bar…

Obviously.

Dude, I don’t know about you, but I say: of all the eleventy-billion eras, this one is by FAR the rockingest. It’s like, TOTAL Age of Party, you know?”

What? Eleventy-what…?

BAJILLION.

Not a real number.

Oh, you don’t kn… never mind, dude. Ix-nay on the ultiple-may orld-way sation-conversayway. Party on.

Party on. I guess?

Piggy

Man, one time? On Recurse Eve? In the dying days of the thirteenth age of Pot…

Thirteenth?

They had to break into the Giants' Private Cavern, and "borrow" their stash of Hell Wine.

You mean Wine of the Dead?!?

Ya, dude. You know? From those crazy hellish grapes?

The grapes, yeah. I hear the wine has some serious kick to it.

Ya dude, I wouldn't recommend drinking it. That stuff is some bad, BAD vino.

Gotcha.

Piggy

Dude, I tell you, you’ve not lived until you’ve been to a Feast of Grendaline party.

Then I have never lived.

No way, REALLY?!? Seriously, you’ve not lived. They are legendary. Legen… wait for it…

… waiting…

…dary.

Sorry, what?

Obviously… was the moment the High Priest Dancers would step forward and perform their slow, stately interpretive dance version of Grendaline’s victory over the Rigidity Coalition in the era known as the Time of Considerable Political Tension…

Sounds like a blast.

…Wearing only a large mask and a carefully placed ornamental button, dude!

Sounds like a chilly blast.

Aw, you had to be there, man. You had to be there.

No kidding.

Piggy

Anything good planned for Belabor Day this year?

Wha?

Belabor Day! Belabor day? Oh come ON dude, you’re not telling me you’re ignoring the partyhardingest day of the year, right?

Um… No?

Darn right no. Belabor Day, as one of the only holidays that belongs to no Giant, but every giant. And is just the greatest holiday EVER. You know why?

No…

Me neither, dude. Because traditionally, come the day after, no one can ever remember what they did ON Belabor day. They just know it involved a barbeque, everyone they know, and the copious blessing of the fruits of Friendly, if you know what I’m saying…

Cocktails?

By the BUCKET, dude!!! Not to … well, belabor it, but it’s the greatest day in the world.

Party on, Pig.

Party on, Glitch!

Oh, I will.