Updated: Updating Laptop, A Tale of Woe

First, understand that I am updated today but any advice on future updating is appreciated.  Also, understand that I know I should use this laptop more often.  I have been delinquent and thus had a hard few hours.  Also, know that some of this is tongue-in-cheek and meant to give you a laugh.  It is a true story though.

I play Glitch (and everything else) on a laptop.  My Tower died from Dust Disease months ago.  I have two HP, WIN7 laptops.  The older one I refer to as "The Worlds's Biggest Laptop".  I use it most of the time.  It has a 17+" screen and loads of RAM and HD space.  It's a powerhouse with lots of bells and whistles and can do anything I ask of it.  Last Christmas I traveled with it.  The laptop weighs about 6 pounds.  I crammed it into a laptop bag for travel.  I also crammed the mouse cool pad, cables, etc. into the bag and by holding my tongue just right I latched the bag shut.  I'd never take this thing on a plane, it could overload the plane and cause a crash of the plane, not the computer (though that, of course, would crash too).

After that trip I was resolved to make travel easier so I ordered a new HP from the HP store.  This one is only 10+ inches and weighs less than a pound.  I ordered a tiny case for it and a base unit with extra USB ports and Ethernet (for some reason the geniuses at HP did not include an Ethernet port, it has Wi-fi).  This tiny machine has all the power of the big one and most of the same features.  It has a wide screen just like the old one but I use the magnifier more often.  So, to make a long story shorter, all the cables and periferals do NOT fit into the cute little bag easily!  So, the computer and mouse go in.  I can cram the power cord in.  Cramming the base and it's cord and USB cable in can only be done very skillfully by (again) holding my tongue just right.  Did I mention the CD/DVD drive?  Oh yes, there is none in this tiny wonder.  So I have to also cram the drive and it's USB cable into the bag.  I can get all that stuff in the bag eventually and most of the time.

Now here is where the trouble really begins.  Unpacking and setting up the tiny wonder is tedious so I seldom use it at home.  It's for traveling.  This means that evey so often when I set it up I have to Update EVERYTHING!!.  I set it up today (am using it now).  At 11:57 AM the fun began.  First of all, it is dueling updates.  So many updates are all fighting to be FIRST!  No Winner!  Nothing can update because everything is trying to update. Java jumped ahead of the line and began but could not install until I closed zumodrive.exe.  What is that?  I have no idea.  A search of my files came up empty.  I tried 3 times but no "zumodrive".  Might be the base unit (says HP on it) but if I disabled that I would have no internet connection.  Could be the CD/DVD so I disconnected that and rebooted.  The update war began again and again Java ruled and again it refused to continue because of zumodrive.  So, I killed that.  meanwhile WIN7 and Kaspersky were still in the war.  Kaspersky was crawling along but hit 30% while WIN7 was behind at 8.something%.  So, I killed Kaspersky (because I could) and went with WIN7.  WIN wanted to install 33 updates!  Yikes!  I last used this computer in September.  Shame on me.  OK, so first I found the Windows Updater and told it not to auto install anything (war with Kaspersky ended).  Then I looked at the list of 33 updates.  Only 17 of them were for Windows.  The rest were for Office (which I don't have on this computer) and for IE which I never use.  I unchecked all but the 17.  Meanwhile, Kaspersky was disabled for the duration of the WIN updates.  I twiddled while 17 updates were DL'd and installed.  Then Windows rebooted...rebooting...still rebooting...  Forty minutes of that and I began to try and force a reboot.  I tried CNTRL/ALT/DEL, no soap.  I closed the lid.  That just put Windows to sleep.  When I opened the lid rebooting continued.  I tried unplugging everything, power, periferals, no luck.  I tried to turn it off.  Didn't work.  Finally I got serious about this and pressed the power button until at last it turned off. 

3:06PM (only a pause of a few seconds since I forced the shutdown).  Powered on.  WIN begins to boot up normally and then switches to shutdown but (oh Glory!) it really shuts down this time and then reboots.  This reboot resulted in installation of updates and one more reboot.  Success!  Oh boy!  Now I begin to Update my AV definitions.  Thats when Java made a reappearance.  OK, I'll bite.  I shut down Kaspersky and go with Java again.  Java cannot continue because something else is updating.  Surprise!  Its Adobe Acrobat!  OK, so Adobe installs the update and it's back to Java.  This time Java completes and never mentions zumodrive.  Now for the AV.  Kaspersky finishes!  Next it's Firefox.  This was "old"!  Even though I last used it in Sept.  I see that I have vers. 4.something and the latest FF is 8.something.  Firefox does not even try to update.  Huh?  I had to Google the update and install it.  That killed Greasemonkey and the other FF plugins.  I then updated Flash, no problems.  On to getting Greasemonkey back!  I had to search the Forums to discover that there is a page on the Wiki for these plugins.  Went there, installed GM and the Skill queue.  Also added the locations checker.  Saved others for later.  At 4:10PM I was finished with the updates!!

Now it was on to Glitch!  Oh Joy, oh Joy!  I had to login.  I have only logged out once since March and that was when I got my new smartphone.  I did not know my password then and I don't know it now.  I had to get a new PW when I used the phone.  I wrote the PW down on a card which I can tuck into the computer bag (it fits!).  Logged in!  So, here I am.  If you have followed this foolishness this far, know that I am traveling this weekend.  I have more software to add or update before then so that when I get "Home" I can share Glitch with my family.  Also know that today I bought a wheeled computer bag which will hold the Tiny Wonder, all of it's accessories and my clothes!  But, will it fit in the car?

ETA:  BTW, the Tiny Wonder has no sound.  It used to have sound (I think).  Anyway, I have a cool pad with speakers.  This thing is HUGE!  It will not fit in any laptop case or even in a suitcase.  I can't wait to pack my car.  I have the Tiny Wonder and my clothes, etc. in one bag (not too big either).  But, add the cool pad and the Christmas gifts and the cakes, etc. and I may have to walk while running the car remotely.

ETA #2:  During the final shutdown, MS installed 12 more Updates!  I am embarassed to say that I had a minor accident during the endless wait for this shutdown (Thank you "Depends"!).  At 6:30PM I was done (remember, I started at 11:57AM).  Oh, BTW, I still need to update my Tom Tom but I can't find the USB cable...

ETA #3:  zumodrive is a Cloud.  Java apparently does not like it to be running when Java decides to update.  I found several references to this with Google.

ETA #4:  I discovered that to get sound I had to open WIN7's multimedia suite and activate the sound.  I've never had to do that before but, for some odd reason, I have to do it now.  Must have been caused by an Update.

ETA #5:  My Droid Mobile Hub works!!  I am connected via my phone!  I was prepared for another ordeal but amazingly this worked with no effort!  Poke me, am I dreaming?

Posted 12 years ago by Brib Annie | Permalink