Topic
One heavy season...
I haven't told people around here much about what's going on with my life not because I don't want to, it's because I live a pretty boring and grounded life and there isn't much to tell. Still, I do experience highs and lows; my friends know this best, so I'm gonna try to make this as short and concentrated as possible.
First of all, I'm about to graduate in about a month. Pretty good stuff, yeah...but what's starting to hold me back right now is the health of my father...
You see, he has been feeling pretty bad since a couple of years now...getting very painful cramps on his leg which get to be stronger and stronger every day. And now he's starting to really freak me out...he forgot who I was...
...in his own words "I didn't know who I was with a few minutes ago."
*sigh*
This is so freaky...damn...
I don't know...I guess I should have seen this coming...he has become clumsy and has been doing stuff that makes no sense...
About 3 years ago he took out the plastic where you screw the cap of the gas tank of the van without any reason. At first I found it hilarious but things have been getting worse ever since then.
He doesn't sleep much either, he goes to bed late and wakes up after 2 to 4 hours and he can't go back to sleep at all.
I don't know what might happen if I ever leave him alone. I just freak out when I go down to the kitchen and I hear his TV but the chair where he sits isn't squeaking or when I come back from class and I shout out "Dad! I'm home!" and hear no response just to find out he was asleep or in the bathroom.
I know I might be over-thinking this too much because he hasn't been tested for Alzheimer yet. But if he does, I'll do my best to be with him.
Dad, you will never be alone as long as I'm around.
I don't know...I might start working out and practice my skills before I get a job or freelance. The time is now.
I could certainly use a hug right about now, but alas I don't have any friends outside the computer screen...but I do know that their feelings are sincere so every single bit of concern is greatly appreciated.
Sorry for being so silent, but thanks for reading.
Please take care everyone.
~Navid
Replies
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That's some tough stuff to deal with... *hugs*
He REALLY REALLY needs to see a doctor though. I know you can't force a grown adult do go to the doctor but please try.. The leg cramps could be blood clots, he could be having mini-strokes which could effect his behavior and physical ability. And if it's that? It's something the doctors can usually fix. As far as it possibly being Alzheimers, the sooner you get a diagnosis, the more effective the medications seem to be.
I'm sure you've googled all this to death and I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but do whatever it takes to get him to a doctor. *hugs* -
Actually, I haven't googled it at all because I'm terrified to learn things I might not want to know. I don't know, it just freaks me out just thinking about it...
I will get him to our doctor as soon as possible though.
Thank you. - By the way, I forgot to mention that he has had the cramps for a long time now, they have something to do with the spine, he has two unaligned discs close to the bottom and surgery at his age could end tragically.
- Jezebel is absolutely correct. The sooner you can get a diagnosis the sooner things can be treated/start getting better. That being said, i'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling with such difficulties at the time. Make sure you take care of yourself the best you can so you can be there for your father. Also try making sure to interact with him as much as possible, i've read some studies that say interacting with others helps "keep people grounded" (for lack of a better term). Games that make you use your brainpower (maybe do sudokus together or play Scrabble?) can be beneficial for both of you! Sending lots of love to both of you. Stay strong to the best of your ability.
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www.alz.org
Alzheimer's Association
Seen my grandmother suffer through this but back then they really didn't have anything to help with it. Really hard for my mom when gma sometimes didn't know who she was :(
(((hug))) -
Yes, he is stubborn but I'm gonna push him to go to a doctor before the week is over.
I'll see what I can do.
I think that link is broken BlackWolf...I don't get anything D: -
Sorry to hear about your father.
A friend of the family was recently diagnosed with Alzheimers. While there is no cure, there are treatments that slow the progression. The prognosis for my friend is pretty good, certainly better than his fears would let them think.
I wish you both well
:) - Navid sorry :( There's something messed up with the way I posted it but if you type that in it does go to the right site.
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Wow. I wish I knew what to say or had a way to offer support or comfort. Not easy from beyond the internet.
Getting a check-up is a great starting point. Your father should have a check-up with his general physician and all that you've written here (and anything and everything you've left out) should be included in what you tell the physician BEFORE you take your father to see said physician. This way, the information is not overlooked and it is not said in front of your father. People who are going through changes like this can get upset and frightened when their health is talked about in ways they might not agree with. He may not remember forgetting you!!
Get some help, ask questions, trusting others is good but do your research and get real, tangible references. Keep a log of all the symptoms, dates, physicians seen and make note of what the physicians tell you, such as "this kind of behaviour is okay but if he does "this", call immediately" etc.
There is no way to know without a doctor's visit what is going on. Alzheimers, which I cannot spell, is not the only possibility. There could be a treatable condition. If we had noticed signs with my father, he might have avoided a massive stroke. We just thought he was being weird and annoying, well, his is weird and annoying, but still!! Get advice, get the tests they recommend and get the treatment they suggest. If he needs to change his habits, you can help him do this and it could help improve his chances of good health and avoiding big health issues.
Your dad is lucky to have you around!! I'll say this right now, because it is important. Your father is not you. You are about to embark on your own life, your future that you've studied and worked very hard for. Although you feel that you are the one who can care for your dad, you also need to leave room for yourself. You are not selfish if you find that future care is beyond your abilities or even just more than you are willing to do.
When people show signs of (I'm guessing here!!) dementia they can also become vulnerable. Having family to care for them or to watch out for their best interests is wonderful. AND, it can also be extremely exhausting and limiting for the family member who offers the help.
I commend you for the support you are offering your father, that he not be alone. Please, please remember that you have every right to be free, every right to run away, every right to start your life and NOT be the one to care for him.
Okay, now that I've said that, I feel better.
If things do get rough, remember that there are lots of organizations out there that offer respite care. That means that if you do decide to offer the care your father might need, there are people who can come in and take your place so you can get the break you need. I think this is one of the best things I've come across that benefits family-turned-caregiver. It has been years since hospice but I'm fairly certain respite care is covered under medicare which your dad might have.
Don't leave yourself guessing, get him to a doctor to see what his needs are. I think that is my main response, that and Please take care of yourself too!! -
Navid, I forgot to say, if you already know his doctor, maybe you can call him and just talk to him first. Sharing what you've shared here might give a lot of much needed information to the doctor. Then, the doctor can let you know what to do next. Or, maybe the doctor can call your father and just talk him in to a visit?
Sending my best wishes and positive thoughts your way and your father's way..... -
Thank you everyone who has shown their support.
We went to see a doctor and he has been tested for some things because they are not certain it could be Alzheimer, we'll go again and see what's going on. -
I'd like to chime in and say you do not, and should not, have to deal with this alone. There are support groups and organizations that can provide all kinds of help to you and to your father.
Please do not feel you have to handle this all by yourself. -
Yay! I'm very proud of you for getting that doctor's appointment!! Takes a lot of hard work to actually take a first step. Good work!! (pat yourself on the back, breath deeply, sigh, maybe have a cookie...)
I hope all goes well and that no matter what the outcome of the tests, things go smoothly.
Yes @Pascale, you are not alone, there is no reason to do this on your own. Maybe ask the doc on the next visit what resources there are for support or to help with all of this??
Take care. -
I hope for you and your father better health and peace of mind.
No matter what, take it one day at a time because worrying about tomorrow when it isn't promised is no use.
<3 - Thank you everyone so much for your support!
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I greatly admire your willingness to be there for your father. There seems to be more and more people who don't want to deal with their parents illness or frailty, when as parents they would never abandon their children if they were to become sick.
God bless! And I send you a big virtual hug! :-) hope you can feel it.