Really liked this place. The stars. The pretty plants. The quiet... I miss everything about Glitch of course. But I miss my avatar most, and how easily he belonged.
I've gotten myself all sorts of confused. Glitch wasn't the cause. But it helped distract me, from all those things I'd ripped out of my life years ago that have been gradually forcing their way back in to my head for the past few years. Now the distraction is over, and I'm confused. Why did I create Lorian as I did? Why was he so easy to play? Why is this shit still so much a part of me when I swear I have been totally fine pretending to be a normal cis-gendered female all these years?
Lorian was the easiest character/avatar to forget myself in while playing. He just *was*, I never had any doubts like with other characters I've created. He lived for me too, far beyond just in Ur. But then most characters I create are like that, I have too much imagination.
I'm rambling into emptiness. I have no one to talk to though. I drove away all the ones who might have been able to help me make sense of things, so many years ago when I tore apart my identity and replaced it with what I "should" be...
None of the usual labels fit when I was a kid, there was no single word. It was "well, sort of like trans only... not really". I didn't belong anywhere. Doubly-so now that I've spent so much time and effort normalizing myself. I miss Glitch, there I belonged.
sorry and you're welcome. I like reading what people have to say. And, I'm very sensitive to gender issues. I grew up gender-aware and yet have never been fully comfortable with society's parameters for my gender. I know who I am I just don't think society knows. I don't feel I have to wear make-up or heels or tight or short skirts etc. I've always been a tom girl and I've always been me. Plus, when I was a teen, my uncle came to live with us because he was going through serious issues. It took time but he shared who he truly was with us. My aunt Faith is very important to us all and I guess her years of struggle and change left me very sensitive to lots of issues regarding gender and sexual identity. I wind up feeling the need to chime in whenever anyone shares their own goings on.
What I really wanted to say, I haven't fully formulated yet. But, mostly I just want to say "I hear you and you are not alone". I never really had anyone to talk to or share with either. My guy, my partner and best buddy is my talk-to/talk-with person. I'm still very quiet but I love to listen!!
I wonder where you live. When I lived in San Francisco, I forgot about the rest of the world where gender issues are not such a welcome and normal topic. I wonder if you have a supporting community. I hope you do. I know you mentioned you grew up in a different place, so that leaves me worried that you don't have a supportive community. You can write me anytime!! Sorry to carry on...I just can't help myself sometimes!!
Plus, you said something sweet and wise to me on my forum post for MLK day. I can tell you are a good person with a good heart. So, I can't help but wish you well and send you my best wishes and hugs.
More hugs from me, Lorian!! Glitch was a great place to belong, and a wonderfully accepting community. And while we can't be in that place, we can still be in touch with the community. Private note in your mail! {{{hugs}}}
Hello Lorian - just wanted to add my encouragement and understanding to the bunch here! So many of us have found the world of Glitch to be an easy place to breathe and be ourselves - whatever we wanted to be - I know that applies to me as well. I also miss my little "mini-me" and all that she was able to do and be that I can't. I still play in the closet and "test" so I can rock on my heels and jump - especially jump! There was a freedom in Glitch that was very unique. The unusual beauty touched my soul quite often. Somehow I (like many others) felt more myself here than anywhere. RL is so fraught with problems, complications, reasons that you can't easily be who you feel you are or who you feel you were meant to be. Very few of us have people who TRULY understand us - ALL of us - see what we are - what we can be - what we want to be. We often travel with the burden of trying to be what we feel others need or want, sometimes forgetting/losing ourselves on the way. My thoughts and prayers (and hugs!) are with you - if I can say only one thing it would be this... Know that you are not alone.
You are far from the only genderqueer biofem to love Glitch.
I am who I am here in my daily life, but excepting my soulmate that means that I am very alone, since I live in NC and not in Asheville or one of the more openminded areas.
Here, I felt like I was home. Never before have I felt that.
Yes all of us, miss the openminded , open arm-ed-ness that existed here. I wish i could say reality is kinder, but its just not. Glitchen are VERY accepting, of sex, race, age, gender identity, nationality, sexual orientation, color, religion, disabilites ....you name it. And this is a good thing, a great thing. The problem is for any of us that stick out from the norm, who normally are singled out, ridiculed or looked down upon, the closing of this game has hit us very very hard. It hasnt been easy on any of us, but to many this really was a place of solace, of comfort and freedom, as well as lighthearted joy. Personally in reality i hide behind a mask everyday that i have to be in public, its not that i want to, its because i HAVE to. Even then i cant keep everything underwraps it just minimizes things some instead. Here i didn't have to worry about paranoia, delusions, agitation, irritability, rage, anxiety, obsessiveness, mood swings, racing thoughts, mania, depression, mixed episodes, restlessness, severe inability to concentrate or hallucinations. Take any 3 from that list, and on any day...well thats me. I'm not in your exact shoes, but i can say that Glitch was such a great place to belong, and not have to worry, because people really did accept you here, not on any preconceived ideas, just people being people, and as much as i miss the game i miss that WAYYY more than the game itself.***** Hugs!!!!*****
Glitch is a place where each of us could be ourselves or what we want to be or maybe even what we were or change between them and it was OK, it was accepted and we all could have endless Friends or just play with anyone we encountered in Ur or play all alone. We could do and be anything and and be accepted by anyone and everyone. It was a wonderful Community of amazing people who each had a contribution. I think I will miss it for a long time. BTW, my avatar is me at age 5. I was smarter then.
So unexpected. You are all so awesome. It took me days to write what I did up there, to get the words, the right words, lined up in the right way. No one makes augmented/assistive communication devices with queer language options, so its hard. So surprising when my words make sense to others.
I do not have any support where I live. Have no idea where to find it and doubt it would be accessible to me if I could. No one who knows, no one to tell. Guess that's why I miss Glitch so much. Being able to breathe in Ur, instead of suffocating as usual.
I'm doing my best to be safe. That's all I can say.
I have a lot of neurological disorders ... most of them related to my scrambled-eggs-brain. In Glitch, I truly spent hours everyday sorting and resorting the stuff in my bags. I would've pushed myself to visit others (painful for me to do) but I had all these items that needed sorting, you see?
Lyrical - I feel a lot of empathy towards you. Before I began a regimen of medication cocktails, my moods were all over the place. My husband once kidded, "If you changed your underwear as often as you change your moods, you'd have a blistered butt." So much for the levity. ...Now, are you working at getting better? Not normal (whatever that is) ... but better?
Lorian - thanks for starting this thread and for being simply awesome. You say you don't understand why the confusion about your gender is back, when you swear you've been totally fine pretending to be someone you are not. How can one be fine if they're pretending to be someone they're not? It would cause me great agony. This is a number one priority for you: Get a hold of somebody you can work things through with.
Murri - it's so awful to feel lonely and never feel "at home." I have a magic word for you: Skype. It is being used by people with shared challenges to get together and communicate. You don't even have to have a webcam!
{{{HUGS}}} to you all. I'm kind of your typical suburban (ex)wife so I didn't have the problems you have had fitting in to RL. What struck me about Glitch (in this instance) was kevbob and stoot (maybe more of the DEVs) whose avatars would flip gender. One day a typical male the next a dress and 50s bouffant hairdo. I was a shy dork in high school so my avatar is me being pretty. The ability to be whatever we wanted was one of the very best qualities of Glitch!
Much <3 to you and I have to admit, most of the community was very open and accommodating (except for some groups who despite claiming they weren't judgmental, they really were). I have a mental illness, I'm unstable because I'm currently not getting any treatment (due to no income whatsoever nor health insurance) it was nice to finally find a group of folks who could understand and accept me no matter how "emo" I could get. Those people mattered the most to me here in Glitch and it was nice to find them and yes, I still keep in touch. One of my gnomes quoted a song in Glitchy style: "Glitches are just Glitches, they shouldn't make you nervous. Glitches are just Glitches like you." The way I see it, everyone is who they are, and that's what makes them a wonderful person, no matter what their background may be. Kudos to you, Lorian, for letting it all out. Kudos to all of you guys for sharing.
The few groups that weren't supposed to be judgmental but really were, actually was the only real thorn in my side the whole time we played, and that alone is saying one HECK of a lot about the community as a whole.That in essence means 90% of the community was supportive, accepting, etc, and thats just AMAZING to me. And no matter who you are if you cant be yourself. for whatever reason, it just flat out sucks. In an ideal world people would just accept others, and let them be themselves. Sadly i don't think well find that ever in reality, but we did have it for a time, and that is more than most people will ever have, so for that Im very grateful. The ability to be/do whatever you want, just because, was such a huge part of this community/game, and i know many people were much more giving etc. in real life because of life in Glitch. No one thought it odd, for someone to wear a dress, and a mullet, or have purple skin or alien eyes, or be a zombie, or , or , or, heck i dont really recall very many people even ASKING if i was male or female, young or old, etc. People just didnt ask, we just WERE. I miss you all so much its not even funny....*****hugs and RK!!! to ALL!!!*****
Sending you all glitchen hugs and high fives. Hoping we all go forth and try to create other safe environments in life, both online and RL. I was skeptical that such a space could exist online, but now that I know it can, I know will push for it elsewhere too! Missing you all, and wishing you safe AND fulfilling lives.
Herein (above) lives the beauty of Glitch and "being" Glitchen. I am so happy I had the opportunity to be a Glitchen. Thank you all for your friendship and love to all of you. Long live Glitch in our hearts, minds and beautiful memories.
I miss all you lovely glitchen so much! ((((((hugs)))))) A fair chunk of us have moved to "Here be monsters" on facebook.... there is also a large community of gender-benders in IMVU.... look me up either place. (same name everywhere as much as possible)
Me, I was lucky enough to be born with the right body for my brain, I just got the defective brain that doesn't recognize subtext and hidden meanings... facial expressions, body language, hints and inuendos are all LOST on me no matter how hard I study... and then I have that thing where I cant look in your eyes anyway... but in Glitch we just WERE. *sigh* Sorry to ramble.... just know you're not the only lost soul.... ((((hugs))))
View all of Lorian's snaps
I've gotten myself all sorts of confused. Glitch wasn't the cause. But it helped distract me, from all those things I'd ripped out of my life years ago that have been gradually forcing their way back in to my head for the past few years. Now the distraction is over, and I'm confused. Why did I create Lorian as I did? Why was he so easy to play? Why is this shit still so much a part of me when I swear I have been totally fine pretending to be a normal cis-gendered female all these years?
Lorian was the easiest character/avatar to forget myself in while playing. He just *was*, I never had any doubts like with other characters I've created. He lived for me too, far beyond just in Ur. But then most characters I create are like that, I have too much imagination.
I'm rambling into emptiness. I have no one to talk to though. I drove away all the ones who might have been able to help me make sense of things, so many years ago when I tore apart my identity and replaced it with what I "should" be...
None of the usual labels fit when I was a kid, there was no single word. It was "well, sort of like trans only... not really". I didn't belong anywhere. Doubly-so now that I've spent so much time and effort normalizing myself. I miss Glitch, there I belonged.
I feel so lost.
Thank you.
What I really wanted to say, I haven't fully formulated yet. But, mostly I just want to say "I hear you and you are not alone". I never really had anyone to talk to or share with either. My guy, my partner and best buddy is my talk-to/talk-with person. I'm still very quiet but I love to listen!!
I wonder where you live. When I lived in San Francisco, I forgot about the rest of the world where gender issues are not such a welcome and normal topic. I wonder if you have a supporting community. I hope you do. I know you mentioned you grew up in a different place, so that leaves me worried that you don't have a supportive community. You can write me anytime!! Sorry to carry on...I just can't help myself sometimes!!
Plus, you said something sweet and wise to me on my forum post for MLK day. I can tell you are a good person with a good heart. So, I can't help but wish you well and send you my best wishes and hugs.
I am who I am here in my daily life, but excepting my soulmate that means that I am very alone, since I live in NC and not in Asheville or one of the more openminded areas.
Here, I felt like I was home. Never before have I felt that.
I do not have any support where I live. Have no idea where to find it and doubt it would be accessible to me if I could. No one who knows, no one to tell. Guess that's why I miss Glitch so much. Being able to breathe in Ur, instead of suffocating as usual.
I'm doing my best to be safe. That's all I can say.
Thank you, all of you. So much.
Mocha Maid has been displaying the girly side of me since fairly early on in the game. I'm mostly in jeans & T-shirts...she gets to wear dresses...
Lyrical - I feel a lot of empathy towards you. Before I began a regimen of medication cocktails, my moods were all over the place. My husband once kidded, "If you changed your underwear as often as you change your moods, you'd have a blistered butt." So much for the levity. ...Now, are you working at getting better? Not normal (whatever that is) ... but better?
Lorian - thanks for starting this thread and for being simply awesome. You say you don't understand why the confusion about your gender is back, when you swear you've been totally fine pretending to be someone you are not. How can one be fine if they're pretending to be someone they're not? It would cause me great agony. This is a number one priority for you: Get a hold of somebody you can work things through with.
Murri - it's so awful to feel lonely and never feel "at home." I have a magic word for you: Skype. It is being used by people with shared challenges to get together and communicate. You don't even have to have a webcam!
{{{Lorian}}} {{{Lyrical}}} {{{Murri}}}
But, thank you for playing, Lorian, and are glad you could feel at home while here. :-)
Me, I was lucky enough to be born with the right body for my brain, I just got the defective brain that doesn't recognize subtext and hidden meanings... facial expressions, body language, hints and inuendos are all LOST on me no matter how hard I study... and then I have that thing where I cant look in your eyes anyway... but in Glitch we just WERE. *sigh* Sorry to ramble.... just know you're not the only lost soul.... ((((hugs))))